


If This Is Love

by senalishia



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Art, Cousin Incest, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:13:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26080045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/senalishia/pseuds/senalishia
Summary: Maitimo has never shown any interest in his flirting, so Findecano comes to inform him that he's finally ready to move on.
Relationships: Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	If This Is Love

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr for Arda Needs More Pride 2020.

Maitimo tensed when Findecáno walked into his office in the palace. He told himself he didn't need to. Findecáno wasn't necessarily here to talk about _that subject_ . Most of their interactions had nothing to do with _that subject_. Findecáno hadn't even closed the door all the way behind him; probably there was nothing to worry about.

"Yes?" he asked calmly from behind his desk.

Findecáno took a deep breath. "I've been giving a lot of thought recently to--well, to us."

Maitimo glanced toward the slightly open door. Or perhaps Findecáno was just careless, as usual. He couldn't quite suppress a surge of fondness for his young cousin's familiar foible. There didn't appear to be anyone in the corridor outside, at least; he didn't bother drawing attention to it, not yet.

"Findecáno, I believe I was quite clear--" he began. There was too much at stake, for both of them, to let this infatuation of his progress any further.

"I know," Findecáno interrupted firmly. "That's what I came here to talk to you about." He took a deep breath. "I thought a lot about what you said. I don't necessarily agree with all of your reasoning, but I think I understand why you feel the way you do. And most importantly, this is your choice, and I need to respect that. If the idea of...me...having any sort of attraction...to you...makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's not right for me to keep pressuring you about it. I apologize for my previous behavior. It was...immature. Thoughtless. So I'm here to tell you that I've decided to try to move past those feelings. You will not hear about it any more from me."

Oh. 

"Thank you." That was good. That was what he wanted. There was no _reason_ for his heart to feel like it was being swallowed up by the crushing depths of the earth. 

"And," Findecáno swallowed and took a step forward, leaning his hands on the desk, "since you are the most charismatic person I know, and because I hope we can at least still be friends…"

The yearning he couldn't scrub from his voice was heart-wrenching. "Of course, of _course_ we are, Findecáno," Maitimo assured him.

"...I was wondering if you had any advice for how to meet other men? Of the sort who might be, you know...like we are?"

He couldn't do this. No. Anything but this. "You'd be better off asking Findarato, really," he dodged, lowering his voice in awareness of the still open door. "I'm sure he knows a few people he could introduce you to. They say the Teleri still have one foot in Middle-earth that way, you know." Why couldn't he stop his voice from shaking?

Findecáno smiled, closed-lipped. He could probably have hidden his disappointment from anyone who didn't know him since he was a child. "Sure. Thanks." He took a step backward, then turned toward the door. "I'll try that. Wish me luck?"

Maitimo nodded silently, and forced himself take one breath, then another as he watched Findecáno pull the door open and begin to walk away.

"Findecáno, wait," he heard himself say. He stood and strode to face him, extending an arm to push the door closed.

"Yes?" 

"I can't let you do this," he said, not looking Findecáno in the eye. "I'm sorry, I promised myself I was going to do what is best for you and convince you not to pursue this foolish fantasy. But there's--there are people out there, Findecáno, who are cruel, and ambitious. And they will use you and they won't appreciate you the way you deserve and I do not know if I could survive having to stand by and watch someone else break your heart."

Findecáno gazed steadily up at him. "Then--what? I swear off love all together and you lock me away for safe keeping?"

"No, of course not! I--" But he couldn't find the words to assuage the doubt that persisted in Findecáno's eyes. There seemed to be only one way to show him what he meant.

He curled a hand around the back of Findecáno's neck and kissed him with all the passion he'd been repressing for the past several decades. After an initial moment of tense surprise, Findecáno melted into him. Maitimo wrapped his arms around him and the way they fit together felt like the most right, the most natural thing in all of creation. The feel of him, the _taste_ of him, were even more captivating than he'd feared. Having known it once, he was sure he would never again be able to give this up for long.

Finally, though, he pulled his face away from Findecáno's. "Sorry. I know I don't have any right to dictate who you give yourself to either. If you still feel like you'd rather find someone else, I promise I will do my best to--"

"Oh, Maitimo," Findecáno lay his head on Maitimo's chest and sighed. "You know the only thing I ever wanted was to be yours. If you don't intend to push me away anymore, at least."

"No. I think I've proven I'm not capable of being that virtuous." He pulled Findecáno tight against him. "I'll keep you, and take care of you the best I can, and if it brings us to grief, so be it."


End file.
